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News / Latest / Ifaana Qualar / Wednesday, 03 August 2016 00:52

IFANNApictur

Rita knows how much I hate dying minute invitations but she keeps sending them. Someone invites you for a party as though they wanted to send off an extra invitation which they did not want to waste.

Rita was well dressed and was really eager to attend Bih's wedding. Bih was getting married to Etchu, her long-time friend from secondary school. But why did Etchu not think of giving us an invitation before now? I really did not think we should go, but Rita insisted.

I know Rita, she was not going to this wedding because she really cared about Etchu. She just wanted a forum where she could show her great curves and new car. That’s Rita!

When we arrived, guests were already at the reception ground. I wanted us to get in, but Rita was on the phone forever. Ah, my Rita! No one was calling her. She just wanted to delay so that by the time we stroll in, everyone would be in their seat.

Finally, we got into the hall. Rita took her time walking down the isle as though she was the bride of the evening. The hostesses ushered us to a table where some "show show" boys were seated. To Rita, it was an answered prayer. She could actually show off here. All the boys on this table looked to me like "Kale Wales". Kale Wales are those boys who go to Dubai and when their visas get expired, they refuse to return. If they are not Kale Wales, they are "been tos” - (I’ve been to blah blah blah). Or supposed (supposed rich, supposed to have been to..., supposed celeb, supposed whatever!).

While we were still waiting for the bride and groom, one guy entered the hall and all eyes were on him. He was wearing a sanja, a clean white shirt and a typical graffi contri cap. I just fell in love with his dressing. As I turned to Rita to compliment the guy, one of the "been tos" made a comment that almost earned him a slap from me. He said: “I say ehhh, na weti wit dis graffi boy dem. Dey must dress off?"

I wondered what was “off” about the former’s attire. Somebody trying to do a mélange of Cameroonian attires and this "been to" is talking dull! Just as I was about to respond, the MC announced the bride and the groom as they danced to Flavour’s Ada Ada . Everyone seemed to know the lyrics of the song, but what marvelled me most was their outfit. They dressed like people from Oweri local government in Nigeria. The lady had a big ngeleh on her head with bids all over her. She looked more of Chioma than Bih. And the guy? Izuuna not Etchu ohh!.

I started wondering what was happening to our culture – the Camer culture! I cannot recall the number of traditional weddings I have attended in Camer and everyone is dressed like Naijas. What is happening to our njaps, sanjas or kabbas? We have thrown away our own and have embraced another man's own simply because he has branded his well. Naija songs have taken over our weddings. Is there anything wrong with dancing to Magasco's Marry Me? Do we have an issue with Mani Bella, Mr Leo, Koko Argentine, Renisse? Yesterday, it was the White colonial master. Today, it is the Naija colonial master!

People no longer speak Francanglais or our own pidgin. Everyone has gone ‘abi’, ‘wahala’, etc.

Oh! Have you been to Camer movie sets? Cheii!! Da one woss! Everyone on set is a Nigerian. Quan je go donc en set ehh, je wanda seulement. I was still thinking when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see who it was. Wonders shall never end! Guess who I saw…

EDITOR”S NOTE Ifaana – The Jotter is a specialized column on TIPTOPSTARS that addresses common society issues that works enormously on our understanding and perception of people, places, events, etc. The columnist, Ifaana Qualar, a young Cameroonian communicator and actor, is a keen observer of her society’s evolution. This evolution comes along with a whole lot of phenomenal trends that never escape the writers attention. She is known to move along with a mini note book in her hand bag. Each day she steps out of her home, this note book records ever ‘insolite’ (odd) that comes it way. Translating it into pieces of publishable writing has been Ifaana’s most recent professional assignment and the Doula-based reporter finds infinite pleasure doing that. You may like to share your stories with her as well. Contact the writer at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it Ernest Kanjo

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